Landon Donovan Will Not Go Back To Europe: Second Of Eleven Predictions For 2011

It’s that dreary, old American rhythm: build somebody up; tear them down.  And then once they’re down, demand a comeback. No comeback, no legend. No ticky, no laundry. 

And who better to tear down these days than “Landy Cakes” Donovan, in 1999 the doe- eyed wunderkind at Bayer Leverkusen, now a decade later, a 29-year-old divorced white male who said recently after his latest return from Europe, and his decision not to return to Everton:  “I need to rest and recover…. I’m tired.”

Tired?  Why the hell is he tired? After all the accolades, after all the bowing and scraping to his princeness, after that hail-mary-mother-of-god goal in South Africa, why you’d think he’d still be running on Nitro.

Or has he had enough of European foul play?  Was it just too tough in the end….

Hey bartender, get me another Rooney. Or better, have you got some Zidane?
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